Stand aside
During the Qing Dynasty, there was a prefect who had just taken office and heard that all the local officials had a problem – they were afraid of their wives. So he wanted to verify it.
One day, when all the officials arrived, the magistrate said: "I heard that there is a custom here that men are afraid of their wives. What do you think? Now, I would like to ask those who are afraid of their wives to stand on the left, and those who are not afraid of their wives, stand on the right. .”
After listening to the prefect's words, all the officials, big and small, looked at me and I looked at you, but no one moved. The magistrate added: "Your wife is in the house next door now." As soon as he finished speaking, all the officials, big and small, were seen standing on the left.
Finally, only one person slowly stood to the right. The prefect laughed when he saw it: "Who said that all the men here are afraid of their wives? There is one who is not afraid of his wife!"
Then he walked up to the young man and said, "Tell them, how did you get here?"
The young man said hurriedly: "Because when I went out in the morning, my wife told me not to go to crowded places!"
lark bathing
The master liked larks very much and hired a servant to feed them. It was very hot every day, so the master told his servant: "Go and give the lark a bath, and then watch it carefully. If a hair falls off, I will break your legs!"
Unexpectedly, as soon as the master left, the wife came to order the servant to do other things. The servant said: "Madam, I dare not leave without authorization. If this lark loses a feather, the master will break my legs." After hearing what the servant said, the wife walked over angrily and took the lark out of the cage. Caught it out, "Chachacha" plucked out every hair on its body, and then put it back in the cage.
After a while, the master came back and saw that his beloved lark had turned into a featherless bird. He was so angry that he asked loudly: "Who plucked these feathers?"
The servant didn't dare to answer. His wife glared and said, "I pulled it out. What are you going to do?"
After hearing this, the master quickly said with a smile: "Well done, it's much cooler than taking a bath!"
Bad luck with wine
There was an alcoholic who was very afraid of his wife. His wife stipulated that he could only drink and watch ghost movies when he had guests, so this man invited friends to his house every three days.
But one time, no customers came to the door for ten days in a row, so the drunkard ran to the street, hoping to meet someone he knew.
But he was really bad at drinking, and he hadn't met anyone before the sun went down.
Suddenly, a strange middle-aged man came forward. Suddenly, the drunkard had a plan in mind. He went up to hold the man's hand and said, "I haven't seen him for many years. How are you?"
Seeing how attentive the drunkard was, the man thought that he had indeed forgotten his old friend. He felt that this was not the case, so he accepted the drunkard's invitation and went home with him.
When he got home, the drunkard quickly asked his wife to buy wine and cook food. Unexpectedly, when the food and wine were served, the middle-aged man didn't know how to drink. He touched the glasses with the drunkard more than ten times without touching a drop. The drunkard drank a pot and asked his wife to drink another pot. At this moment, the wife had some clarity in her mind. But because it was inconvenient for him to do it in front of outsiders, he took advantage of the man not paying attention, glared at the drunkard fiercely, stretched out his hand, and looked like he was going to hit him.
When the drunkard saw this, he knew that his wife had seen through it, and his hands holding the food immediately stopped in mid-air. The man also noticed a bit of embarrassment, so he stood up to leave.
At this time, the drunkard came to his senses and woke up. He grabbed the guest and said, "Old friend, don't leave! Let's drink slowly and chat. You saw it just now. My wife just told me with gestures that at home There are also five bottles of wine!”
Fascinated by the theater
There was an old couple. The old woman is a theater fan. She only thinks about watching the theater every day and leaves all the housework to the old man.
One night, the old woman didn't sleep when she came back from the theater. She sat there and sighed. The old man thought she had caught a cold, so he quickly made her a bowl of ginger soup and persuaded her to drink it and go to bed early.
Unexpectedly, the old woman actually cursed: "Damn old man, can I sleep peacefully? Many soldiers are still trapped in Erlang Mountain!" The old man understood after hearing this. It turned out that the old woman had watched a play called "Soldiers Trapped in Erlang Mountain" , the play only sung about soldiers going up the mountain, but not about going down the mountain.
The old man was angry and funny, and said: "You are just watching a play, why do you care about those ancient people?" After hearing this, the old woman yelled: "You are a heartless and unintentional thing!" The old man was so frightened that he dared not speak out.
For three days in a row, the old woman did not eat or drink. The old man panicked and sold his family's big fat pig at all costs. In exchange for the money, he ran to the troupe leader for help. The class leader took the money and said, "You go home first, leave this matter to me!"
That afternoon, the old woman was sighing at home when she saw the troupe leader running towards her house, crashing into the door and sitting down on a chair, sweating profusely. The old man asked: "Master, is there something urgent in your family?" The class leader shouted loudly into the room: "I came here to tell your family a piece of good news. The soldiers I led were trapped on Erlang Mountain for three days and three nights. It was just dawn today. Liang, we have defeated the besiegers and are coming down the mountain!"
When the old woman heard the news, she immediately jumped up, walked to the main room, and said to the old man: "Damn old man! Kill our big fat pig quickly and comfort the brothers who are coming down the mountain!"
The old man thought that the pig had been sold for money, and he didn't know what to do. When the old woman saw that the old man remained silent, she slapped him three times until stars appeared in his eyes. Then she scolded him: "No one is left behind, why are you still standing there?"
I'm most afraid of my wife
Once, the emperor summoned all the ministers to discuss the affairs of the country and then held a banquet in honor of everyone. After everyone had eaten and drank, the topic turned to who was afraid of his wife.
A minister first pointed at the prime minister and said, "I think our prime minister is most afraid of his wife."
When everyone heard this, they all laughed.
After hearing this, the prime minister calmly came to the minister and said, "You are right. It is precisely because I am most afraid of my wife that I still dare not marry one."