The ghost lawyer was brought in.
"What law did you break?"
The ghost lawyer said nothing.
"Go, clean the toilet." The one who spoke was the boss of the cell. The boss was a murderer and he didn't have much time left, but he was as arrogant as he was alive. Here he acted like he was in his own backyard and did whatever he wanted.
The ghost lawyer took the order.
The toilet was actually a squat toilet in the corner of the cell. The ghost lawyer walked to the side of the squat toilet before he dared to let out the fart that he had been holding back for a long time.
The fart was quite loud, which made the boss frown.
"Open your mouth, fuck you, and eat your fart."
The boss came over, grabbed the ghost lawyer's hair, and was about to make him fart in the air.
"I was not allowed to bring anything in. They checked everything inside and out, even my asshole. But I insisted on bringing something in. I was about to fart outside, and I almost farted when the guard checked my asshole. But I'm just like you. I'm not the kind of person who obeys in everything. I have to find a new way to go against them, right? Brothers, wouldn't you do the same? Bring a big fart into the cell and let it go as loud as a cannon. Even the guard won't be able to do anything to me, right?"
"Your mother's bitch, I told you to eat your ass, and you're beating around the bush like that."
"Boss, there's nothing to eat. Where can I eat?" said the ghost lawyer.
"You're so cruel. Damn it, the first impression of you has already formed in my mind. Let me tell you, it's not good. It's not a good first impression of you." The murderer said viciously.
The ghost lawyer looked very nervous. This was a verdict that was directly related to the quality of life and happiness index in this cell in the future.
The verdict was firm and unquestionable. The ghost lawyer was respectful to the boss and said he respected his verdict.
"Come here, I'll give you a chance to defend yourself."
The ghost lawyer walked up to the murderer.
The murderer wanted to arm wrestle him.
"If you can't defeat me, I'll be sorry for you."
The ghost lawyer was no match for him. His arms were so weak that he was quickly defeated.
"No, it's not a good first impression of you." The murderer repeated.
"Please give me another chance to defend myself."
The murderer looked at him.
"I want to tell your fortune." said the ghost lawyer.
The murderer smiled contemptuously.
"Fortune-telling? I'm about to meet your uncle, and you still want to tell my fortune?"
"No, the world is unpredictable, fate is uncertain, and the dead can be considered alive."
The murderer seemed to hesitate and stretched out his hand.
"I told you that you would live another hundred years, but that was a lie. I told you that you had three wives, four houses, eight beds, and seventy-two pots…"
"Fuck, even if I have a dick, how many times can I pee?"
"Don't be anxious, don't be anxious. I invited Kasyapa Buddha here. Fortunately, the toilet was cleaned just now. You should also keep your mouth clean. Don't spit shit in front of him."
"Can I really live longer?"
"correct."
"You can't make fun of me."
"This year is 1999, and we are about to enter the 21st century. On the day of the new century, the United Nations stipulates that all countries must grant amnesty."
"Amnesty? What does that mean?"
"It means sending the prisoners in the cell back home." said the corrupt official with his eyes wide open.
"Can I be pardoned, too?"
"Of course, I'll ask Kasyapa Buddha to intercede for you."
The ghost lawyer looked like he had completed a defense and had a very determined expression.
"Yeah." The boss didn't say anything.
The corrupt official waited until the other person finished speaking, and immediately leaned over to give her a sweet mouth. "Look at me, how about that?"
"You have also committed a capital crime?"
“It’s also a capital crime.”
"What crime have you committed?"
"I embezzled 10 million." The embezzler appeared very humble.
The ghost lawyer asked him to stretch out his right hand, looked at it again and again, and shook his head.
"I'm afraid you won't get a chance this time."
"Please, help me to speak for you in front of Kasyapa Buddha."
"The Buddha Kasyapa hated corruption the most. If you kill a life, that life can be reincarnated. If you are greedy for money, you will use those dung-like things to water the life. Your life is already stinking, and I will let you go to pollute the environment."
"Oh, why am I so unlucky? All the bad things happen to me."
"However, since we know each other, I will try to show some favor to Buddha Kasyapa, even though Buddha Kasyapa was unwilling to do so."
The corrupt officials looked like they were poking their heads out from a pile of dead bodies.
"Please, save my life."
The ghost lawyer turned his face away and said unhappily, "You are an experienced person, do you still need me to tell you the rules?"
"Let me tell you, actually I haven't fully confessed my crimes. There are at least five million that they haven't found. As long as you let me out, all the money can be yours." said the embezzler.
"Not only can your five million be put to good use, but your ten million that has been confiscated will also be recovered in full and belong to the three of us." The ghost lawyer showed a relaxed expression on his face.
"This… this… how is this possible? This is beyond my imagination. You know, this time in prison has hurt my imagination a little bit. From then on, I always think of the worst when I encounter something. Alas, I know that not to mention people, even a mouse, once it has this problem, its quality of life… its quality of life and happiness index will decline…"
The embezzler mumbled.
"I just want you to return to your past courage and past quality of life."
"Then you are my reborn parent."
"Very good, very good. I have a good first impression of you." The ghost lawyer's face flushed.
"Then what do you think I should do?" The embezzler was already getting impatient.
"It takes three of us to do this. Let the boss write a loan contract. The 10 million is lent to you by the boss to buy the land. Doesn't the boss have two auto repair shops, three dance halls, and four saunas outside?" I didn't expect the ghost lawyer to know the murderer's financial situation clearly.
"Yes, I lent you the 10 million. I wrote a loan contract. Not only will your crime be forgiven, but the 10 million that was seized will also be returned to you. This way, we will make a lot of money again. We want this money in 30:31," said the boss.
"Even if I ask you to write a promissory note, you still want such a high share?" said the embezzler.
"I'm writing this with my head on the line, aren't I?"
"Is your head in your hand? But it's in my hand." The ghost lawyer said proudly.
The murderer nodded very humbly.
"Yes, yes, yes. You see, we are all brothers. Here, we have to share the difficulties and happiness together. Don't you agree?"
"Sharing it together will make you suffer." The corrupt official obviously did not want to get such a high share and said viciously.
"I declare that from now on, the ghost lawyer is the boss among us." said the murderer.
"You should still be the boss. However, now that you mention it, I have a good impression of you," said the ghost lawyer.
The evil lawyer let out another loud fart. The murderer and the embezzler stood there with their hands clasped in their hands, wishing they could swallow that fart.
"Let's do it right away. There's paper and pen in the cell." The boss pulled out a dozen pieces of letter paper from under the quilt. These were special papers that their superiors wanted them to use to write their explanations and repentances.
"This kind of paper won't work . We must use paper from outside. Does anyone among you have connections outside?"
The murderer said mysteriously, "My little sister has been helping me get things in from outside.
"Well, that's great. Let's do it this way. It would be best if it was written on the hotel stationery. Just say that it was discussed in that hotel and move the time forward. We can't leave any evidence for them."
The ghost lawyer thought for a moment and said, "We need to get hotel stationery from a year ago. The phone number and date on it are from a year ago."
The murderer nodded. "That's fine."
The cell immediately became lively, and everyone was preparing for the upcoming release from prison. They even had to tidy up their clothes and clean the toilet.
The embezzler was in high spirits, cleaning the toilet that had already been cleaned several times. "Wash, wash …
"As soon as we get out, we will set up a hellish cultural communication company and publish a large comprehensive publication. The name of the magazine will be "The Underworld". How about this name?" The ghost lawyer turned around and asked the embezzler.
"Very good, very good." said the embezzler.
"Now that the world has entered the information age, all kinds of information are in demand by people. Some junk information is produced, which shows the emptiness of human life. The Underworld will provide information about the underworld, but it will never be decadent or mislead people."
"Competition is fierce in all walks of life now," the embezzler sighed.
"Does the world have such a publication? No, I have first-hand information from the underworld. For husbands who are tired of seeing it, I can provide fox fairies with devilish figures and jade-like skin. So what if you embezzle 10 million? I can still squeeze you dry. I can also provide ways to make money in the underworld, inspire enthusiasm, and enlighten wisdom. Of course, those methods are a bit cruel and poisonous, but it doesn't matter. The law will leave loopholes for us. Of course, my information also includes gossip and rumors about the life of the King of Hell, about the King of Hell's concubines and mistresses. In this way, this publication can be guaranteed to be lively and full of flesh and blood."
The embezzler nodded repeatedly.
"By then, we can also launch three-day, five-day, and seven-day tours to the underworld. In fact, there are many attractions in the underworld. I have seen some places build some underworld palaces to attract tourists. What kind of things are they? The cultural heritage of the underworld has been well protected and is as intact as new. It is such a magical experience. I am worried that some people who are tired of the world will feel like they have arrived in America after going there and will not want to turn back. Our company must have a long-term vision for development. The company will adopt a club membership system and build a large website on the Internet. Oh, this will require a lot of talents."
"In fact, I have done business worth more than 100 million yuan. I really want to have a chance to repay your kindness. I have some talent in business management. When I get out, let me be the manager of the "Underworld" Communication Company." The embezzler said
"No, no, you are still greedy. Any money you make will eventually go into your pocket."
"How could that be possible? Sigh, I am not satisfied with what you said. It seems as if I have lived here a hundred years ago. The terrible time can cleanse a person's soul completely."
"Well, I have a good impression of you now. Okay, after you get out, you will be the general manager of my Underworld Cultural Communication Company." said the murderer.
The embezzler was overjoyed and thought to himself, life is really unpredictable, this trip was really worth it. I was still writing a letter of regret yesterday and now I really regret it.
"We have found a new economic growth point. Although we had a very speculative conversation right when we first came in, this growth point is the only motivation for strangers to make friends and become brothers," said the ghost lawyer.
"However, we still need to register with the Industry and Commerce Bureau to prevent counterfeiting. We also need to open a bank account and recruit people. It seems that there is still a lot of work to be done."
"Damn it, you corrupt official, it seems like all the benefits are just for you. You guys were talking so enthusiastically, but you left me aside. So there's no share for me in that King of Hell company?" said the murderer.
"Of course, of course. How can you not have a share? As soon as you go out, I will let you invest in the Underworld Cultural Communication Company. You can pay 30% of the capital and sit at home to enjoy the dividends."
"I can't sit still. I always have to find something to do. I killed people because I had nothing to do."
"There are so many things to do, and I'm afraid you'll get bored by then."
"How can it be possible? You can earn money and still complain about it."
"Very good, very good, I have a good impression of both of you." said the murderer.
At night, the ghost lawyer ate and drank his fill, then lay down on the bed and fell asleep, soon beginning to snore loudly.
The murderer grabbed the embezzler by the collar.
"Damn you, you're really good at showing off. You're almost stealing all my limelight."
"Boss, don't be angry. I am just… I just can't keep my heart when it comes to money. How can I compete with you for the limelight?"
"Write a written agreement. The ten million must be returned to the rich ghost . The other five million will be split 50-50 between me and the ghost lawyer."
"How can that be possible? How can you have a share of the five million?"
"Fuck you, if you don't agree, I'm going to kill you right now."
The murderer took out a piece of letter paper from under his bed and asked the embezzler to sign a document immediately.
The corrupt official had no choice but to agree and reluctantly wrote a note.
"When we get out, we'll split the ten million between us 30/31, and the other five million between so-and-so and the ghost lawyer will be split 50/20."
After writing the document, the two of them fell asleep peacefully.
After waking up, the embezzler rubbed his eyes and looked to see what was new or missing in his cell.
Usually when sleeping, the cell is very quiet. Nothing will be added or missing at this time, but this is a cell after all, different from other houses in the world. More or less, some changes will happen here every night. For example, every day, the embezzler will take off his clothes, fold them neatly, and lay them flat under the bed, and then sleep on them. When he wakes up, his clothes are neatly arranged, as if they were ironed. After so many years of glory outside, he always has slicked hair and powdered face, and his clothes are angular. The conditions in the cell are not as good as those outside, but if there are conditions, he will make them. If there are no conditions, he will create them. The embezzler takes his clothes off the bed and puts them on neatly.
No, there seems to be some changes in the room. Is there something more or less?
When I looked closely, I saw that there was one more thing.
There was a pile of shit on the bed.
This would never happen in the cell. The toilets were cleaned every day, spotless, and every corner of the room was kept clean, so how could there be an extra pile of shit?
Who did this? Who is so bold as to shit here?
Naturally, this problem has to be solved by the boss.
Normally, this problem would be very easy to solve. The boss would just point out whoever he thought was responsible, but this time, the ghost lawyer was in a very high position. The boss was in a dilemma, and there was only one corrupt official left for him to deal with.
The boss's face darkened.
"Embezzler, why did you poop on the bed?"
"How come? Who saw me shitting on the cheerleading team here? There has to be some fairness here, right?"
"If it's not you, then who is it? Could it be me?" said the boss.
"Yes, could it be the boss?" said the ghost lawyer.
The embezzler immediately put on a smile. "No way."
"That's me?" The ghost lawyer's face also darkened.
"No, no, no, I didn't say it was you."
"Okay, stop arguing. You mean me. Whoever poops gets to eat it. Even if it's mine, can't I just eat it?" said the ghost lawyer.
"No, no, no, no, how can you do that? Let me clean it up." said the embezzler.
"No, I must eat it. How can a grown man poop on the bed? This trend cannot be allowed to continue. Don't bring this kind of trend into our future company. I ate it."
The ghost lawyer finished speaking, bent down, licked the shit with his tongue, and then opened his mouth and ate it. The corrupt criminal vomited, but the ghost lawyer ate it very sweetly, smacking his lips while eating.
The huge pile of shit was eaten up by the ghost lawyer in an instant.
The boss and the embezzler were watching from the side. Besides frowning, they were also surprised. This man was either a god or some kind of master.
Two days later, the murderer's younger sister brought in the hotel's stationery. The ghost lawyer took a look at it carefully and found that it met the requirements completely.
The receipts are written by the embezzlers.
The embezzler was so excited that he almost cried, and quickly wrote a receipt for 10 million yuan.
"This receipt must be produced when the court opens. I will then be your defense lawyer." Throwing out this receipt, the State Public Prosecution Agency
I will immediately panic. As long as the two of you keep your mouth shut, this matter cannot be investigated thoroughly. There won't be any problems in this regard."
The murderer said: "Who do you think I am? I drive a BMW or a Mercedes Benz when I'm outside."
The corrupt official also said: "Don't look down on me. I have had three wives and six concubines, and I have lived a life of luxury and debauchery. Why? Because I have a good brain and a tight mouth. My mouth is like a seal."
"Very good, that's good. The receipt is kept by the embezzler, so we just have to wait for the right time."
That night both the murderer and the embezzler slept more soundly and had sweet dreams.
The next day, the embezzler was the first to wake up. He had been sleeping well. Although he felt uneasy after entering the cell, it did not affect his sleep. He went to bed and got up on time every day. Today, he woke up at the appointed time. When he woke up, he saw the murderer and the ghost lawyer sleeping soundly on his left and right. However, at this time, he found that someone had defecated on the bed again.
"Who did this again?" He shouted, waking up the two of them.
The boss is faced with another difficult problem.
"No matter who did it, it has nothing to do with me this time. I ate shit yesterday, so why can't I eat shit every day when I wake up?"
"Corrupt criminal, it's your turn today, you come and eat shit," said the boss.
"This, this, this… there should be some justice here."
"The ghost lawyer has already been fair. Now it's my turn to be fair with you. Do you want me to eat this shit?" said the boss.
“No, no, no… no,” said the embezzler.
"That's enough. You haven't had breakfast yet, so finish this task."
"Brother Lawyer, I saw that you had a delicious meal yesterday…"
"You mean to let me do it for you? Corrupt people, no matter where they are in the world, they all have the same truth: money is hard to earn and shit is hard to eat. Look how delicious my shit tastes. I am just proving my guilt and harming myself to benefit others."
"I'll clean him out."
"No, we must not set this precedent," said the ghost lawyer.
The corrupt criminal had no choice but to bend down and lick his tongue like the ghost lawyer. Before he even touched the shit, the stench made him vomit.
"Please, I'll clean the shit into the toilet and make this place clean."
"That won't work. You can't make any special arrangements. Everyone is equal before the rules," said the ghost lawyer.
The corrupt official was vomiting and gasping for breath.
"If you think it's too unpalatable, you can have a few bites to share the burden."
"Yes, you shouldn't always give orders. Didn't we agree to share happiness and hard times? There are so many good things waiting for us when we get out. Can't we two eat this piece of shit?" Relying on the words of the ghost lawyer, the embezzler looked at the murderer viciously.
"How can this be possible?" The boss was unhappy.
"Oh no, now I have a bad impression of you." said the ghost lawyer.
The boss quickly bent down and ate shit with the corrupt criminals.
Well, even if I were to lie prone and get shot, it probably wouldn't be that painful.
A routine inspection was suddenly carried out in the detention center.
This time, I didn't check the quilt or the bed, but only the letter paper.
After writing on the letter paper, the words will be printed on the blank paper at the back. Every piece of letter paper is taken for testing, and professionals will examine the words printed on the blank page at the back.
After a while, the embezzler was called over.
Because handwriting left by an embezzler was found on the blank letter paper.
Both writings are displayed.
"Explain, were these two writings your instructions?"
The embezzler was speechless and stunned.
The police conducted a large-scale search and found the two notes hidden deep in the cell.
The embezzler returned to the cell, but did not see the ghost lawyer.
The ghost lawyer disappeared without a trace at some point.
"You bastard lawyer, you've made fun of me and caused me so much trouble."
The murderer didn't know how the ghost lawyer disappeared.
"Fuck you, you made me eat shit before I died. I will go to hell and hell to settle the score with you."